Friday, February 17, 2006
Melancholy
Still here and kicking…tonight I am kind of tired and melancholy. I have been like that today. Maybe it is the cloudy and chilly weather (yesterday the high was 81, today it was 30). I got a brochure in the mail about a medical conference in San Diego and I was having fantasies about going there alone. Then I had thoughts about taking everyone along. Then I just chunked the brochure in the trash…if I am going to San Diego, it will be for fun and not a conference. When the baby is older and can enjoy a trip more, we will go. I am feeling some guilt for having these feelings though I know it is perfectly normal. I have a lot of help, although I wish I had more help sometimes, especially from dh. And I don’t really know why I am saying that, because he does help me when I ask. Maybe I should ask more. Anyway he has been working a lot and has plenty to do. I am going to soak my thought away in the tub now with a good magazine.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Insomnia
I have been having insomnia on and off the last few weeks. It has been bad for the last few nights. I easily fall asleep and have been awaken by Baby Girl once at night, ranging from 3AM (last night) to 6AM for a quick feed and back to sleep. She falls back asleep contentedly but I am wide awake. I have seen a few informercials and music videos (you know, they never seem to be on during the waking hours) and have been tossing and turning. My mind starts up and it rattles off anything and everything a review of the day. I usually finally fall asleep about an hour before I have to get up and then I wake up groggy and occasionally have overslept.
I have been trying to figure out why this is happening. My work is going well, my dh is fine, my baby is doing well, my health has been good in spite of all the illnesses I have been exposed to, my friends are supportive, etc. I don't take a lot of caffiene, and have a nice wind down routine and dim lights in the evening. I have been slacking off on the regular exercise and I have experienced a lot of change in my life in the last few months.
Today, I was anally inwardly contemplating and then as I was finally finishing my work day and driving to the gym, I had a thought. What about the period showing up and the possibility of me getting pregnant and having another kid very soon? I love Baby Girl and want a sibling for her and was I ready to handle this sooner than later? If I take birth control, will that forever close the window of opportunity that this last pregnancy could be affording me? My OB advised that I don't use birth control and I don't want to because of how difficult it was to get pregnant the 1st time. So I did ovulate in the middle of January and didn't get pregnant then, so nothing is certain. My dh and I have agreed that if we only have BG it is very ok but would like another if possible.
Somehow I do feel better just acknowledging that this is what is knocking about in my head. I will accept what God will give me, and have faith that He will put me in whatever situation that I can handle. Now, maybe I can sleep again. Well, I am going to really try exercising regularly also...maybe that's all it is.
I have been trying to figure out why this is happening. My work is going well, my dh is fine, my baby is doing well, my health has been good in spite of all the illnesses I have been exposed to, my friends are supportive, etc. I don't take a lot of caffiene, and have a nice wind down routine and dim lights in the evening. I have been slacking off on the regular exercise and I have experienced a lot of change in my life in the last few months.
Today, I was anally inwardly contemplating and then as I was finally finishing my work day and driving to the gym, I had a thought. What about the period showing up and the possibility of me getting pregnant and having another kid very soon? I love Baby Girl and want a sibling for her and was I ready to handle this sooner than later? If I take birth control, will that forever close the window of opportunity that this last pregnancy could be affording me? My OB advised that I don't use birth control and I don't want to because of how difficult it was to get pregnant the 1st time. So I did ovulate in the middle of January and didn't get pregnant then, so nothing is certain. My dh and I have agreed that if we only have BG it is very ok but would like another if possible.
Somehow I do feel better just acknowledging that this is what is knocking about in my head. I will accept what God will give me, and have faith that He will put me in whatever situation that I can handle. Now, maybe I can sleep again. Well, I am going to really try exercising regularly also...maybe that's all it is.
