Thursday, August 25, 2005
Working Mom
I returned to a bit of work last week and this week. It was nice to be in the familiar enviroment again. Where I know what is happening and when it is happening! My friend and acquaintences have been asking me, "So, are you a working mom now?" Yup, that's me. It is not the world of playgroups and 24/7 baby duty, but a world of half this and half that and sometimes all this and all that.
I visited with my grandmother (age 93), a family friend (age 87), and my own mom (age 67) about their mothering experiences.
My own mom was a teacher and married "late" at age 30. She had me at 33 and stayed at home mom to me and my sister. She didn't work because she says that she didn't trust anyone to take care of us and that we did not have any family nearby as my parent immigrated to America right before they had me. She remembers that she often felt alone and overworked but she is proud that her kids turned out well.
My grandmother was widowed in her 30s with 3 kids in pre-communist China. She went to work as a bookkeeper in a hotel and the kids were cared for by various family members and did not always live with her (Chinese cultural thing...kids are often distributed to relatives...often creating stressful childhoods). She never remarried. Her mind blips in and out occasionally, but she was very lucid in inquiring about my pregnancy and motherhood experience and giving very practical advice.
My friend had one child and was planning to stay at home, but she was a school teacher and the Principal made a job offer she couldn't refuse. She says that thinking back she couldn't have stayed at home to mom all the time. She remembers a lot of the stay at home moms weren't really at home much as they needed other things to occupy their minds (She mentioned the ever time consuming Junior League).
I for some reason, feel reassured by these women of the older generation as my mom couldn't give me much advice on working outside the home. They faced the same challenges and MORE than I have to deal with. They sometimes had the choices I had and sometimes didn't. I had this fantasy/ misconception (and I know that it wasn't really true) that the previous generations were all stay at home moms/ housewives and that I was selfish for not wanting to do the same. But, as my sister pointed out, my desire to be doctor came stronger than the housewife job.
I visited with my grandmother (age 93), a family friend (age 87), and my own mom (age 67) about their mothering experiences.
My own mom was a teacher and married "late" at age 30. She had me at 33 and stayed at home mom to me and my sister. She didn't work because she says that she didn't trust anyone to take care of us and that we did not have any family nearby as my parent immigrated to America right before they had me. She remembers that she often felt alone and overworked but she is proud that her kids turned out well.
My grandmother was widowed in her 30s with 3 kids in pre-communist China. She went to work as a bookkeeper in a hotel and the kids were cared for by various family members and did not always live with her (Chinese cultural thing...kids are often distributed to relatives...often creating stressful childhoods). She never remarried. Her mind blips in and out occasionally, but she was very lucid in inquiring about my pregnancy and motherhood experience and giving very practical advice.
My friend had one child and was planning to stay at home, but she was a school teacher and the Principal made a job offer she couldn't refuse. She says that thinking back she couldn't have stayed at home to mom all the time. She remembers a lot of the stay at home moms weren't really at home much as they needed other things to occupy their minds (She mentioned the ever time consuming Junior League).
I for some reason, feel reassured by these women of the older generation as my mom couldn't give me much advice on working outside the home. They faced the same challenges and MORE than I have to deal with. They sometimes had the choices I had and sometimes didn't. I had this fantasy/ misconception (and I know that it wasn't really true) that the previous generations were all stay at home moms/ housewives and that I was selfish for not wanting to do the same. But, as my sister pointed out, my desire to be doctor came stronger than the housewife job.
