Tuesday, August 30, 2005
One little one
My experience with infertility treatment has been a successful one. I got one healthy baby after trying a whole bunch of what the latest medicine has to offer. So into my mind, lurking at the edges of my happy baby thought (and foggy mom brain) is that, "Hey this may be it." As in, this may be the only child I have. Of course it is better than, "Hey I am never going to have one." One of the standard questions people ask after you have a baby (and I have been guilty of asking it myself...actually one time it lead to a revealation about how the couple had their baby thru IVF and how they would never do it again) is "Are you going to have more kids?" My answer, "I hope for one more." That is the truth. I don't know if I could go through IVF again. But perhaps it is a mite too early to be thinking about it. Age wise I still have a few years before no man's (woman's) land.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Motherhood is not for wimps
I hope most of you all are not getting bored with my ramblings on mother work/ other work lately. I have really gotten off the infertility path huh!
Today's topic is a reflection on my medical training. We all hear about how grueling medical residency is and we medical people tell stories about how bad it was also. So bad, that recently the powers that be started executing a limit of 80 hour work weeks for resident physicians in training. Yes, it was hard (I worked at worse 110 hours a week some months) and yes, I got beeped (and still get paged) in the middle of the night to possibly save someone's life or at least keep them alive. But, compared to what I am going thru now with my baby's ever changing needs at all hours of day and night, that was really easy. At least when I was through with my 36 hour shift, I could go home and sleep uninterrupted and not be on duty again until 3-4 nights later.
Even with help from my dh and nanny in the day, it is me in those wee hours of the night now. And the sleep deprivation makes me often grumpy, fussy, and not think clearly at all, much worse than when I was the resident on call (I guess you all are happy to hear that and happy to know my partners are currently covering for me now).
Now the rationale behind the medical training being like it WAS, was that illnesses were not just 8-5 and my own rationale was that we had to do that so that we could literally "do it in our sleep." Medical call for me, now after 8 years in practice is not hard like it was in residency. I don't panic anymore about giving someone Tylenol like the 1st night I ever took hospital call...I know it sounds wacky. So motherhood is going to be something I can do in my sleep too!
Today's topic is a reflection on my medical training. We all hear about how grueling medical residency is and we medical people tell stories about how bad it was also. So bad, that recently the powers that be started executing a limit of 80 hour work weeks for resident physicians in training. Yes, it was hard (I worked at worse 110 hours a week some months) and yes, I got beeped (and still get paged) in the middle of the night to possibly save someone's life or at least keep them alive. But, compared to what I am going thru now with my baby's ever changing needs at all hours of day and night, that was really easy. At least when I was through with my 36 hour shift, I could go home and sleep uninterrupted and not be on duty again until 3-4 nights later.
Even with help from my dh and nanny in the day, it is me in those wee hours of the night now. And the sleep deprivation makes me often grumpy, fussy, and not think clearly at all, much worse than when I was the resident on call (I guess you all are happy to hear that and happy to know my partners are currently covering for me now).
Now the rationale behind the medical training being like it WAS, was that illnesses were not just 8-5 and my own rationale was that we had to do that so that we could literally "do it in our sleep." Medical call for me, now after 8 years in practice is not hard like it was in residency. I don't panic anymore about giving someone Tylenol like the 1st night I ever took hospital call...I know it sounds wacky. So motherhood is going to be something I can do in my sleep too!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Working Mom
I returned to a bit of work last week and this week. It was nice to be in the familiar enviroment again. Where I know what is happening and when it is happening! My friend and acquaintences have been asking me, "So, are you a working mom now?" Yup, that's me. It is not the world of playgroups and 24/7 baby duty, but a world of half this and half that and sometimes all this and all that.
I visited with my grandmother (age 93), a family friend (age 87), and my own mom (age 67) about their mothering experiences.
My own mom was a teacher and married "late" at age 30. She had me at 33 and stayed at home mom to me and my sister. She didn't work because she says that she didn't trust anyone to take care of us and that we did not have any family nearby as my parent immigrated to America right before they had me. She remembers that she often felt alone and overworked but she is proud that her kids turned out well.
My grandmother was widowed in her 30s with 3 kids in pre-communist China. She went to work as a bookkeeper in a hotel and the kids were cared for by various family members and did not always live with her (Chinese cultural thing...kids are often distributed to relatives...often creating stressful childhoods). She never remarried. Her mind blips in and out occasionally, but she was very lucid in inquiring about my pregnancy and motherhood experience and giving very practical advice.
My friend had one child and was planning to stay at home, but she was a school teacher and the Principal made a job offer she couldn't refuse. She says that thinking back she couldn't have stayed at home to mom all the time. She remembers a lot of the stay at home moms weren't really at home much as they needed other things to occupy their minds (She mentioned the ever time consuming Junior League).
I for some reason, feel reassured by these women of the older generation as my mom couldn't give me much advice on working outside the home. They faced the same challenges and MORE than I have to deal with. They sometimes had the choices I had and sometimes didn't. I had this fantasy/ misconception (and I know that it wasn't really true) that the previous generations were all stay at home moms/ housewives and that I was selfish for not wanting to do the same. But, as my sister pointed out, my desire to be doctor came stronger than the housewife job.
I visited with my grandmother (age 93), a family friend (age 87), and my own mom (age 67) about their mothering experiences.
My own mom was a teacher and married "late" at age 30. She had me at 33 and stayed at home mom to me and my sister. She didn't work because she says that she didn't trust anyone to take care of us and that we did not have any family nearby as my parent immigrated to America right before they had me. She remembers that she often felt alone and overworked but she is proud that her kids turned out well.
My grandmother was widowed in her 30s with 3 kids in pre-communist China. She went to work as a bookkeeper in a hotel and the kids were cared for by various family members and did not always live with her (Chinese cultural thing...kids are often distributed to relatives...often creating stressful childhoods). She never remarried. Her mind blips in and out occasionally, but she was very lucid in inquiring about my pregnancy and motherhood experience and giving very practical advice.
My friend had one child and was planning to stay at home, but she was a school teacher and the Principal made a job offer she couldn't refuse. She says that thinking back she couldn't have stayed at home to mom all the time. She remembers a lot of the stay at home moms weren't really at home much as they needed other things to occupy their minds (She mentioned the ever time consuming Junior League).
I for some reason, feel reassured by these women of the older generation as my mom couldn't give me much advice on working outside the home. They faced the same challenges and MORE than I have to deal with. They sometimes had the choices I had and sometimes didn't. I had this fantasy/ misconception (and I know that it wasn't really true) that the previous generations were all stay at home moms/ housewives and that I was selfish for not wanting to do the same. But, as my sister pointed out, my desire to be doctor came stronger than the housewife job.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Nanny Diaries
The nanny started this past week and I am getting a break from the continuous work that is taking care of a baby. It has been great to have this help...I was getting so foggy headed that at times I wasn't enjoying the baby. I feel ready to return to work knowing that she is in good hands. I have also gotten to get out of the house some which, before felt very difficult and rushed. I am a person that always seems to do things the hard way. The breast feeding thing is harder on the mom, I have been told and also believe. I've stopped fighting it and am just going to accept that this is how I am going to feed my baby. Even my own mom has come around and been supportive about it.
So I have gotten to get my hair cut, grocery shop, visit the bank, and have lunch, just me and my dh. Sometimes it is hard to leave the "baby bubble" but at the same time, it is like getting a glimpse of my former life. Now this new life, a bit of old and a lot of new.
So I have gotten to get my hair cut, grocery shop, visit the bank, and have lunch, just me and my dh. Sometimes it is hard to leave the "baby bubble" but at the same time, it is like getting a glimpse of my former life. Now this new life, a bit of old and a lot of new.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
WAHM SAHM WOM...what?!@!?
Even though I am sure of my decision, of course I wonder what it would be like to be a Stay/ Work At Home Mom. I actually know very few. One of my S/WAHM friends just told me yesterday that she has been having nightmares about her dh dying and being left destitute. (She was my secretary in her pre child life). Her DH is encouraging her to go to get more training and go to back to work. She can’t decide what she wants to do. I jokingly told her to just make sure that he had a big life insurance policy.
Joking aside, I told her my own mom, a S/WAHM and formerly a teacher, got her masters in library science when my baby sister turned 3. My mom said it was insurance in case something happened to Dad and she seriously did want to go to work, but ultimately made the decision not to because it would cost more to hire babysitter/ taxes. So not to stir up the debate between Work at home moms and work outside moms…I guess all of us occasionally gaze over to the other side and wonder how it is.
I am going back part time in 4 weeks and then probably fulltime when 4 weeks after that. I will be fortunate to have a nanny full time. I like working and for the effort I put forth I am greatly rewarded, both in money and satisfaction. I also feel that because so many people (and government loans) supported me through school, I owe it to society to repay my debt. I did not start my career until I was 29 years old because of all the training it takes to be a physician. My dh is in a stable profession currently, but we need a bit more income (from me) to do what we want. Personally I don’t think in my current circumstances I could stay home for long. Now I am faced with the challenge of adding the baby into my life. Let’s see how it all goes.
Joking aside, I told her my own mom, a S/WAHM and formerly a teacher, got her masters in library science when my baby sister turned 3. My mom said it was insurance in case something happened to Dad and she seriously did want to go to work, but ultimately made the decision not to because it would cost more to hire babysitter/ taxes. So not to stir up the debate between Work at home moms and work outside moms…I guess all of us occasionally gaze over to the other side and wonder how it is.
I am going back part time in 4 weeks and then probably fulltime when 4 weeks after that. I will be fortunate to have a nanny full time. I like working and for the effort I put forth I am greatly rewarded, both in money and satisfaction. I also feel that because so many people (and government loans) supported me through school, I owe it to society to repay my debt. I did not start my career until I was 29 years old because of all the training it takes to be a physician. My dh is in a stable profession currently, but we need a bit more income (from me) to do what we want. Personally I don’t think in my current circumstances I could stay home for long. Now I am faced with the challenge of adding the baby into my life. Let’s see how it all goes.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Books continued
More book reviews...yes, I am a speedy reader (daughter of 2 librarians)
I am happy to report that I found 2 wonderful books on new motherhood.
1. The Diaper Diaries by Cynthia Copeland. Made me laugh so hard I cried...several times. My poor baby had tears on her as I was reading it while nursing. The cartoon illustrations are priceless...especially the breastfeeding section....New Hampshire...rural area, married with 3 kids.
2. Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Almost done with this one. It is very moving and well written. I feel like I am right there with her...intimate and touching. Single mother living in a small town....with lots of loving friends/ family...Bay Area
I think my conflict (see last entry) with some of motherhood books is the conflict I personally have about motherhood due to infertility issues. The 2 books up above honestly deal with the feeling of "Am I a good mother?" NOT "The baby is ruining my perfect urban lifestyle."
Lamott's book very effective spoke to what is the root of the matter in my case, and I believe in many people's cases, "What I don't have." Infertiles have dealt with this issue for a longer time..."What I don't have...a baby, a child, a pregnancy." I think that that factors into the case after learning about the Brooke Shields post partum depression thing. Her "What I don't have" was the infertility factors, natural/ vaginal birth, nursing upon delivery, "bonding." We all have our own list of "What I don't haves."
One last thought that may stir up the hornet's nest...don't use the What to Expect series as your bible. Especially the pregnancy one...I read it too much. I would just chuck it if I could do it again (or just limit it to one reading).
I am happy to report that I found 2 wonderful books on new motherhood.
1. The Diaper Diaries by Cynthia Copeland. Made me laugh so hard I cried...several times. My poor baby had tears on her as I was reading it while nursing. The cartoon illustrations are priceless...especially the breastfeeding section....New Hampshire...rural area, married with 3 kids.
2. Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Almost done with this one. It is very moving and well written. I feel like I am right there with her...intimate and touching. Single mother living in a small town....with lots of loving friends/ family...Bay Area
I think my conflict (see last entry) with some of motherhood books is the conflict I personally have about motherhood due to infertility issues. The 2 books up above honestly deal with the feeling of "Am I a good mother?" NOT "The baby is ruining my perfect urban lifestyle."
Lamott's book very effective spoke to what is the root of the matter in my case, and I believe in many people's cases, "What I don't have." Infertiles have dealt with this issue for a longer time..."What I don't have...a baby, a child, a pregnancy." I think that that factors into the case after learning about the Brooke Shields post partum depression thing. Her "What I don't have" was the infertility factors, natural/ vaginal birth, nursing upon delivery, "bonding." We all have our own list of "What I don't haves."
One last thought that may stir up the hornet's nest...don't use the What to Expect series as your bible. Especially the pregnancy one...I read it too much. I would just chuck it if I could do it again (or just limit it to one reading).
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
New Moms in Books, TV, and pamphlets
I am an avid (and speedy) reader. I have been reading some "New Mom" books during my pregnancy, recovery, and lazing about now with the child (HA!) I have received them as gifts, purchased some, and perhaps maybe now even tired of reading them...pass me the latest issue of Elle please.
What to Expect the First Year - From the makers of that famous pregnancy book. When I 1st received it from a friend, I remarked about how thick and heavy it was. Her response (interesting as she has never had children) was that the 1st year is a long one! Good reference manual but hey way they organize it by month is less applicable to babies than pregnancy as babies can do different things at different times. It may be better to do it like "Just got out the hospital time," "the 1st three months," etc. They are still kind of militant about the mother's diet though....how common is it for moms to eat tofu?! (I am Asian and I only eat it on occasion).
Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year - Vicki Iovine - Funny, funny, funny. This got me through those 1st 2 weeks of hormonal highs and lows. Author is a writer in Los Angeles who works from home with 4 kids. Some have found her to be cynical, but I think she is just contrast to all those zombie moms who say everything is "FINE" "GREAT!" "BEST TIME OF MY LIFE"
LIttle Earthquakes - Jennifer Weiner - This is a work of fiction, but I read this book over and over again during my nursing sessions with the baby. Set in Philadelphia, a story of 4 different moms who go through childbirth and newborn periods and the drama in their lives. Funny, touching, and enjoyable. One mom is a stay at home who is a former newscaster, one is a chef who works part time, one is working from home, and the other I will not mention to not give anything away. Author is a new mom married to a physician and child's name is LUCY.
Mother Shock - Andrea Buchanan - Collection of essays on motherhood, with a focus on the 1st 3 years. Author is a work at home writer (and former concert pianist) married to a physician who lives in Philadelphia and child's name is EMILY. Compares new motherhood to culture shock. Interesting fact - child carries mother's last name.
It Could Happen to You - Martha Brockenbrough - Journal of new motherhood. Authors lives in Seattle and is a work at home writer, married to IT guy. Very loving and warm as well as humorous. Child is named LUCY.
Nursing: The Complete Guide for the 1st 2 months (that may not be the exact title...but I am too lazy to go get it right now) - I think I got this from the hospital. Published by pharmaceutical/ formula company (Mead Johnson) and written by Harvard faculty. Small, easy to hold while nursing and offers succinct advice on breastfeeding.
Sex and the City Season 5 - Episodes of Miranda's pregnancy, birthing, and newborn experience. Favorite scene - where she pulls the boob out and is frustrated by her kid not latching on. Carrie is shocked at seeing enormous boob. Apparently I have heard that was a controversial scene showing a mother breast feeding. My husband's comment was that how it is that a grown man sucking a woman's breast is ok but feeding a baby is not? Baby takes mother's last name...practical in this sense because if he took his father's last name his name would be Brady Brady.
Now, my ending thoughts are that most of these books are about urban, married, moms who are white, parttime/ stay at home writers who name their children Emily or Lucy. I guess those are the people who have time to write/ wax philosophical.
To me, the blogging community is more diverse group of women. So I am still searching for a book about a Midwest/ Southern mom in a small town/ suburb who has to work full time. How about a single mom? (I guess these people are all too freaking busy). The closest book I have found is:
Where the Heart is - Billie Letts - a work of fiction - 17 year old pregnant girl gets abandoned at a Walmart in Oklahoma. Community pulls together and helps her as she gets her life together and raises her daughter.
What to Expect the First Year - From the makers of that famous pregnancy book. When I 1st received it from a friend, I remarked about how thick and heavy it was. Her response (interesting as she has never had children) was that the 1st year is a long one! Good reference manual but hey way they organize it by month is less applicable to babies than pregnancy as babies can do different things at different times. It may be better to do it like "Just got out the hospital time," "the 1st three months," etc. They are still kind of militant about the mother's diet though....how common is it for moms to eat tofu?! (I am Asian and I only eat it on occasion).
Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year - Vicki Iovine - Funny, funny, funny. This got me through those 1st 2 weeks of hormonal highs and lows. Author is a writer in Los Angeles who works from home with 4 kids. Some have found her to be cynical, but I think she is just contrast to all those zombie moms who say everything is "FINE" "GREAT!" "BEST TIME OF MY LIFE"
LIttle Earthquakes - Jennifer Weiner - This is a work of fiction, but I read this book over and over again during my nursing sessions with the baby. Set in Philadelphia, a story of 4 different moms who go through childbirth and newborn periods and the drama in their lives. Funny, touching, and enjoyable. One mom is a stay at home who is a former newscaster, one is a chef who works part time, one is working from home, and the other I will not mention to not give anything away. Author is a new mom married to a physician and child's name is LUCY.
Mother Shock - Andrea Buchanan - Collection of essays on motherhood, with a focus on the 1st 3 years. Author is a work at home writer (and former concert pianist) married to a physician who lives in Philadelphia and child's name is EMILY. Compares new motherhood to culture shock. Interesting fact - child carries mother's last name.
It Could Happen to You - Martha Brockenbrough - Journal of new motherhood. Authors lives in Seattle and is a work at home writer, married to IT guy. Very loving and warm as well as humorous. Child is named LUCY.
Nursing: The Complete Guide for the 1st 2 months (that may not be the exact title...but I am too lazy to go get it right now) - I think I got this from the hospital. Published by pharmaceutical/ formula company (Mead Johnson) and written by Harvard faculty. Small, easy to hold while nursing and offers succinct advice on breastfeeding.
Sex and the City Season 5 - Episodes of Miranda's pregnancy, birthing, and newborn experience. Favorite scene - where she pulls the boob out and is frustrated by her kid not latching on. Carrie is shocked at seeing enormous boob. Apparently I have heard that was a controversial scene showing a mother breast feeding. My husband's comment was that how it is that a grown man sucking a woman's breast is ok but feeding a baby is not? Baby takes mother's last name...practical in this sense because if he took his father's last name his name would be Brady Brady.
Now, my ending thoughts are that most of these books are about urban, married, moms who are white, parttime/ stay at home writers who name their children Emily or Lucy. I guess those are the people who have time to write/ wax philosophical.
To me, the blogging community is more diverse group of women. So I am still searching for a book about a Midwest/ Southern mom in a small town/ suburb who has to work full time. How about a single mom? (I guess these people are all too freaking busy). The closest book I have found is:
Where the Heart is - Billie Letts - a work of fiction - 17 year old pregnant girl gets abandoned at a Walmart in Oklahoma. Community pulls together and helps her as she gets her life together and raises her daughter.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Diaper Trivia Answers
Huggies ----- Pooh & Friends
Pampers Swaddlers ---- Sesame Street
Luvs ------ Blues Clues
Target ----- Care Bears
P.S. Today is the wee one's due date. My Dh said something so great about this as I still have occasional guilt about something I did to make her come too early. He said, because she came early and we have the pleasure of having her in our lives 1 month more than we expected. (I am just tearing up just reading it.)
Pampers Swaddlers ---- Sesame Street
Luvs ------ Blues Clues
Target ----- Care Bears
P.S. Today is the wee one's due date. My Dh said something so great about this as I still have occasional guilt about something I did to make her come too early. He said, because she came early and we have the pleasure of having her in our lives 1 month more than we expected. (I am just tearing up just reading it.)
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Diaper Trivia
Match the following cartoon characters with the brand of diaper they appear on.
Answers will appear tomorrow
Huggies
Pampers Swaddlers
Luvs
Target Brand
Care Bears
Sesame Street
Pooh & Friends
Blues Clues
Answers will appear tomorrow
Huggies
Pampers Swaddlers
Luvs
Target Brand
Care Bears
Sesame Street
Pooh & Friends
Blues Clues
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Eating
I always have to have something to stress about so yesterday was her not latching on as efficiently as usual and also a large spit up after one evening meal. The truth is that she is getting bigger and stronger and I can't position her as easily as before.
1 AM feeding...
Baby: "Hey, feed me...NOW!"
Mom: Here's dinner #3!
Baby: Wrong angle...how am I supposed to suck and swallow if my neck is all craned like this. Go this way!
Mom: How am I supposed to get the nipple in if your hands are in your mouth?
Baby: OK, I am going to move this way and...there...hmmm...nice bouquet...a bit citrusy today
Mom: Oh great, latched on....now off...oh no, now your'e tasting...are you going to eat?
Baby: OK, I'm ready...suck, suck, suck...swallow...breathe, breathe, breathe...suck, suck, suck...
Mom: Latched on...good baby
3 minutes later...
Baby: (Gasps, sputters)...Hey, too much milk for me to swallow...(unlatches)
Mom: (Moves baby into upright position and tries to burp the baby...) Crap.
Baby: (Falls asleep)
Mom: (trying not to fall asleep)...Hey baby, hey baby...so you're going to sleep now...OK, is this enough to hold you for a bit so I can get some sleep or will you wake up 1/2 hour later needing more food?
Baby: (Farts loudly)...zzzzzz....
1 AM feeding...
Baby: "Hey, feed me...NOW!"
Mom: Here's dinner #3!
Baby: Wrong angle...how am I supposed to suck and swallow if my neck is all craned like this. Go this way!
Mom: How am I supposed to get the nipple in if your hands are in your mouth?
Baby: OK, I am going to move this way and...there...hmmm...nice bouquet...a bit citrusy today
Mom: Oh great, latched on....now off...oh no, now your'e tasting...are you going to eat?
Baby: OK, I'm ready...suck, suck, suck...swallow...breathe, breathe, breathe...suck, suck, suck...
Mom: Latched on...good baby
3 minutes later...
Baby: (Gasps, sputters)...Hey, too much milk for me to swallow...(unlatches)
Mom: (Moves baby into upright position and tries to burp the baby...) Crap.
Baby: (Falls asleep)
Mom: (trying not to fall asleep)...Hey baby, hey baby...so you're going to sleep now...OK, is this enough to hold you for a bit so I can get some sleep or will you wake up 1/2 hour later needing more food?
Baby: (Farts loudly)...zzzzzz....
