After the IVF

Yesterday after I fed her, I put her on my shoulder to burp her. Instead of the usual beer bar belch, I got some smacky lips on my shoulder. My imagination spun; is she kissing me and saying "Thanks Mommy, thanks Mommy for feeding and taking care of me!"? I pulled her away and a large gob of spit up milk came with and appeared on my shoulder. Well, hey its the thought that counts.

In the world of public reactions to pregnancy and childbirth, there seem to be a lot of comments on my appearance. I am PCOS, but I am a normal weight for my height. I gained about 12 pounds during pregnancy and ate heartily and according to the diet and prescribed calorie level for a gestational diabetic. I was worried I was not gaining enough, that my body was failing me again (apparently a common, recurrent thought of infertiles...even when pregnancy). But the doctor wasn't worried. The baby was a good size and I felt pretty good until I was the last parts of the pregnancy. I didn't not exercise after the 3rd month due to spotting issues causing me to be scared out of my mind.

After I delivered, I was under my prepregnancy weight and actually have gained weight since then. I honestly would have liked to have a few extra pounds and not have to have gone thru the not fun part of pre term delivery, NICU visits, and bringing home a preemie. But I don't really go into that when people comment on how "thin" I look. I don't consider myself "thin," just normal, average weight. I believe that people mean this as a compliment, but I secretly wonder if they think I am a vain, looks obsessed woman. Perhaps part of me is, but those comments don't really make me feel good as one would think. I used to say "thanks" and now I just say, "uh-huh" and change the subject.