After the IVF

Minutes ago, I just wolfed down the most Oreo cookies I have ever eaten in my life. Before my usual intake for this wonderful cookie was 2. A fresh package and a cold glass of milk plus surging homones = Cookie Monster. The only thing that kept me from devouring the entire package was that my DH walked into the room and I offered to share and then made myself put them away. I am rationalizing as I had a bit of tummy upset earlier and now I need the extra energy.

Today I woke up and had to pee. Then I had to pee when I got to work. Then I had to pee after I had my after breakfast snack. Then I had to pee between that snack and what I had to do next. Then I had to pee before lunch. OK, something amuck. I had noticed I had more (how do I put this nicely) irritation and needed to place a liner in my undies for the last 2-3 days. Yikes! I might have an infection. Rather than trying to diagnose and treat myself I called up my OB. He was out on Spring Break but his NP would be happy to get me in at the end of the day.

I was grateful and went to over to be examined. The NP was really nice and did a great job of taking care of me. She noted that I was one of the RE's patients before and had done IVF. Oh, yeah, I smiled, I am an IVF success story. The NP said, oh, I went thru 3 attempts with IVF but no luck. Wow, I thought, what a strong person to survive that and still be able to work day in and day out taking care of pregnant women.

I gratefully accepted my antibiotic samples and thanked her for her care of me. I now realize how many more people than I thought have struggled in this battle of infertility.

I am now 19+ weeks and my pregnancy books have mentioned that I would be feeling fetal movements as early as 16 weeks. Well I haven't noticed anything yet like my friends and books have described...bubbles, fluttering, feathery floating sensations. But the last few days I have noticed that I keep feeling a heavy sensation like a rock in my lower abdomen. About 2 days ago, it felt like it was rolling here and there in my abdomen. Today I realized, hey, that's the baby moving. Its not gas, and I don't have to poo. Its not a piece of poo...its my kid! Heavy rocks rolling...not a bubble or a feather or stuff like that.

My DH, unlike me, doesn't not have a blog on infertility nor great new blog friends to empathasize with during all this time. He remains happily chatting on his baseball fantasy boards and anticipating the start of the spring baseball season. That doesn't mean he doesn't care...he has been and is my pillar of support; it is just different for him. He is always amazed by my stack of pregnancy books on my bedside table (spilling onto the floor) and how fast I read thru them. In someways he doesn't have many places to go for infertility/ having a baby advice. Perhaps that is why he has been more cautious than I in bringing up what we had to do to get here.

So to give him something back and to reassure him (and myself), I have did 2 things. One was to have him call one of his best childhood friends so I could talk to his wife about her ivf experience. This was not just to reassure me, but so his friend could tell dh about his experience.

The second thing I did was riskier. We met another one of his childhood friends for dinner and he and his wife had recently had their 1st baby after 7 years of marriage. They knew about our pregnancy and I quietly shared with the wife that we had a miracle as it was thru ivf. She smiled and said they went thru ivf also. Her husband (ever observant) caught our exchange and the conversation turned to theirs and our ivf experience. He was amazed at yet another thing that bonded him and my dh's enduring friendship (over 20 years).

I was married about 2 years ago and the biological clock sounded even when I was dating my husband. I guess he was the right guy and I was hitting above 30 in the age group. We tried the natural way for about 6 months and after discussing with my family doctor and thinking about my crazy, almost non-existant periods, I sought the help of the reproductive endocrinologist. My DH was concerned with my decision, which he felt was premature, but supported me and came along to visits.

4 failed cycles of injectibles/ IUI later and 1 year of time passed, he was convinced that I wasn't being hasty in all of this. The RE was suggested 2 more cycles before the leap to IVF, but after some more deep thought and the suggestion from my DH and my mom to move onto IVF, we went for IVF. It was scary for me to come to terms with that decision. It meant that this was IT...the ultimate in what we could do to grow a baby inside of me that was part me and part DH.

IVF #1 started along with a one time Lupron shot to shut it all down, followed by some gonal F for 3 weeks. My estrogen kept peaking and they had to coast me twice. 3 days before the planned egg harvest, the RE called me with BAD news; the estrogen level plummeted and was consistant with only 1 egg thriving. I was devastated and cried a river of tears. I couldn't even get to the IVF and maybe this was the end of this dream for me.

I gathered my wits and my dh loved me even more and we were ready for IVF #2. I had a lot of weeks of Lupron this time and gonal F with a few shots of repronex thrown in at the end. Even thing was much more smooth this time. I felt less sick and bloated than last time. 5 eggs were harvested and 3 fertilized and transferred. And, as you know, one of them decided to stick around.

So here I am.

I had my QUAD screen done last week and got the results yesterday. Everything is normal and appropriate to my gestation age. My thyroid checked out OK too. So another hurdle of prenatal testing is cleared. My ultrasound (THE official one) is schedule for 3 weeks from now. The plan is to find out the gender then and I can start shopping/planning/ more daydreaming.

On other topics, I had lunch with a friend the other day that is in the stage of planning/ creating a pregnancy and is dealing with some infertility issues. I told her that if she didn't want to talk babies/ pregnancy I could talk about other things. She reassured me that it comforted her to talk with me because I understood. I think that is why a lot of people still are scared to talk about infertility/ keep it a shameful/ secretive issue. There are still a few people out there who don't understand or support those who are going through the process.

One of my friends has a daughter beginning the injectables and was asking me why I thought so many people in my generation were having to do all this stuff to get pregnant. I gave her the short version (I have written about this on my blog in Jan I think)and thought it was just more available and people used to just adopt/ live with it/ not talk about it.

Thank goodness for the internet blogs, boards, and understand friends and family, medical personnel that DO exist who understand this so very well.