After the IVF

I have decided to move on to a new blog because the title of this one may mislead people to think I am still in the throes of IVF. Perhaps I will be again someday, but for now I will be here.

http://keepinongirl.blogspot.com/

I got my period today. It still amazes me that after I had the baby that I am now getting periods. Irregular, but yes, I am having them. Does it really mean I am ovulating? Or is it the weirdness of PCOS? It could be either. At least I know I haven't gone into menopause in my 30s.

On another note, I found the greatest bargain today. I get such a high when I get what I want at a rock bottom price. My sis is getting married and needs a strapless corset bra for under her dress and of couse, she hates to shop. I went to the store to look for one for her as I have one I got 3 years ago that I loved. (It was comfy and pushed out and pulled in what needed to be). I asked the saleslady and she said they discontinued them, but that there might be some in the sale pile. I dug around and found one in the right size and color and it was marked down to $8.50 from $35. Whoo Hoo! When the lady rung it up, apparently there was additional 30% off all sales items and it was only $5.95. Double Whoo Hoo!

Recently I have been thinking about what is next for me in the reproductive games. I had an appointment for my "yearly" last month but I cancelled it because of a conflict and also because in the back of my mind I thought about scheduling it with my RE (she does yearly stuff too) in order to get her opinion on my hopes for another baby. I still have not scheduled it.

I don't feel in any hurry to see her at all, but sometimes I think about the time it took to get where I am now. Not that anything is guaranteed of course and I actually did not have to wait for too too long for the baby. I know my dh and I hope that #2 could possibly come the old fashioned way. Maybe in the next 6 months, maybe in 5 years. Who knows? I guess I do know my uterus works really well..just need to kick start those ovaries and get those fallopian tubes open. I feel again like I am traveling on a highway, without a map, and wondering which exit I should take.

The wee one felt feverish last night and as I was taking off her clothes for a bath, I noticed...hmmm...those really look like chicken pox. Oh crap, she's one of those that gets a mild case after the vaccine. She got her shots a week ago. I tylenoled her and she felt asleep. Today there were a few more, but not more than about 30 total I counted. No more fever, but some diarrhea. Otherwise she is eating and playing, just more fussy than usual. I remember a few years ago, a father brought in his kid and wanted me to check if he had "Chicken Pops." The staff and other doctors freaked out as this kid should have been isolated from the unexposed (babies and pregnant women). Anyway, I told them yes, indeed, he had Chicken Pox (Pops).

I am not a big tv person, but there are a few shows that I have been TIVOing and enjoying with great interest. They include Grey's Anatomy, Project Runway, and House Hunters. Interesting assortment, but they are all definately chick interest shows. Grey's Anatomy is about a bunch of surgical residents in a hospital in Seattle. Sometimes it is a bit soap operaish but mostly it is insightful and melancholy. The main character, Meredith, is suffering through many things: being an intern (surgical!) at a hospital where her mother used to be a great surgeon and who now has Alzheimers and is in a home, her lover turns out to be her boss and married to another faculty member, and she is estranged from her father. She is alone all except her fellow intern friends. Her life is all about suffering and the only happy moments are when she is taking care of patients. I certainly enjoy the show for all its drama and the cute guys on it, but there is something about Meredith that I can relate to. It is not the life I am living now, but parts of my life were reminiscent of what she is going through. I remember that feeling of loving someone who did not love me back and wanting something I could not have. The feelings of highs and lows, the rush of lust and the emptiness of being alone. The pleasure was fleeting and sometimes even came with the suffering.

Of course, I relate to the consuming work of the internship and residency, when all your life was work and how little sleep and how little of a life you had. And the only people you had time to socialize (and date/ sleep with), were the same people ou saw everyday and everynight. And how awful and annoying that became after a while. My pleasure was in learning and taking care of my patients, but during the time of training, especially in the later times, I began to crave a normal life. A life of time in my own house, travel, a husband that did not remind me of my work (I was married at the time to a doctor and we went thru a divorce at the end of my residency. I am now married to a non doctor), and children. I began to want to grow up and wanted a life that was more than my work.

I actually did not really want to have a child until this realization and until I met my current dh. So here I am now, extrapolating on a TV show that is haunting to me.

We (I) survived the 1 year visit to the doctor's. Man, there are a lot of shots! Including the TB test and blood draw to check for anemia, the poor babe was poked 7 times. Thank goodness she will not remember any of it. I know that it is for her good and my medical mind knows that it is needed, but my mama heart hurt for my baby's cries. I don't even like taking her to the doctor (who by the way is a perfectly nice doctor and has a spotless office) because I think about all the other sick (germy) kids there. Sunday school doesn't bother me because I hope that people don't bring sick kids to church! She did note that her eyes had some crossed-ness, which I and my family have also been noticing (and it seems to be getting better). She recommend we take her to the opthalomogist for a visit. I have made an appointment, but I am debating whether to go or just observe some more. I asked my dh and he says well, we'll get his opinion and follow it. I just hate the thought of sitting in another doctor's office (this one with mostly old people checking on their cataracts and glaucoma). But I think I am fortunate that my child is healthy and doing quite well and not in the doctor's office very much at all.

Well, back to routine today for me. The weekend went very well and was eventful. The far away grandparents arrived for the birthday festivities and I struggled with a mild stomach bug (and 1 night of mind numbing flu like fatigue) before the grand 1st birthday party. The party was great, the baby and all in attendance (many children to my delight) all were happy and well fed. I have had to take a nap everyday since Thursday and today back at work, I struggled to keep awake and alert in the afternoon. Well, have to break that habit, but it is deliciously luxurious to have time just to lay down and sleep. I am so activity and task oriented, it is something I need to do more often. Only it often messes up my bedtime. So tonight I should fall asleep easier sans nap.